Storm has a fear and you won’t believe what it is (I feel bad for using clickbait headlines)

 

We all have our fears, and sooner or later we need to get over them to survive life. Storm is not frighted of the doorbell, he’s never met a person he hasn’t liked, he loves every cat and dog he’s ever known despite them not alway sharing the love.

Today he met his fear, and he doesn’t know how to cope.

Our dog has proclaimed a new National Holiday. Please adjust your celebrations accordingly.

The innocent victim.

The innocent victim.

Pretty sure Storm just had the best day of his life yet again. These seem to happen quiet a lot lately but as he’s excitable I suppose it’s acceptable. We were sitting in the lounge room which faces the street and he just saw the garbage truck stop and pick up our garbage bin as he was looking out the window.

Anybody who lives in suburbia knows this is a common occurrence but if you are a Golden Retriever this simple act of rubbish removal is the most incredible event to have ever occurred in your life.

Storm told me about it later on and couldn’t hold his excitement. According to him the truck stopped out the front of our house as it was making a grunting noise. It just sat there for a few seconds and Storm thought the truck could see him thought the window. He was a little frightened so sat silently and watched what would happen next. Suddenly the “claw of death” flung out from the truck and violently tried to strangle the rubbish bin. They both fought for a short time and shock from side to side, but the claw finally won the battle. Without warning the claw of death flung the bin up above it’s head in some sort of dominate behaviour and ate the entire contents of the bin as it was flipped upside down in a show of embarrassment which was helpless against such a powerful attack.

Once the truck had finished disrespecting the rubbish bin it was simply dropped on the ground and moved along the road as it consumed the contents of the bins along the street. Storm was impressed by the actions of the truck and hasn’t stopped talking about this event all day.

He couldn’t contain his excitement and nearly exploded when I mentioned that this strange event occurs every Thursday (excluding public holidays) Therefore after talking to Storm we are proud to proclaim today the “Best day in the world” because of the events that occurred out the front of our house. This new official day will last until next Thursday which will also be the best day in his life when the garbage truck will return and repeat this event.

This is your official notice, please update your scheduled to take note of this new day. We will attempt to make Thursdays an official Public Holiday but are having a few legal issues with local Government officials who don’t want us in their office to discuss such a new and important celebration.

They just don’t know the simple things in life, like the day when the garbage truck comes past your house. They don’t know what they are missing.

Everybody knows garbage day is not on a Thursday for everybody. I would tell Storm this but I doubt he’d understand. It can be our secret.

What to do with a psychopathic dog with a codependency problem?

Ten years ago when our children were toddlers our house was covered in toys. You couldn’t walk through the house without tripping over a toy that were sticking out of cupboards, in bookshelves and all over the floor. Over time the kids out grew the toys so we discarded them or handed them on to friends. Slowly the house got back into some type of order and we forgot about the dark days when walking across the lounge room floor was a experience in obstacle avoidance.

Now things have changed, our children and are teenagers and have moved on to the PlayStation and Xbox. However for some reason the toys have reappeared. This time they are not from the children but from our Golden Retriever named Storm. Our lounge room is now covered in rope toys, stuffed animal and a weird looking dolphin thing I think we picked up from IKEA. He carries them around like a safety blanket and piles them in a corner once he’s finished covering them with slobber.

These are not normal looking toys, the majority of his toys appear to be war victims. Some are missing arms, any stuffed toy with a tail has had it removed or torn away, body parts are missing and everything is covered in slobber. When I ask Storm about this he talks fondly of his relationship with his toys and tells me that they are best of friends.

I have to agree with him because after telling me this information it’s obvious that Storm is a psychopath who is oblivious to the harm he does to others. As a result of his words I’m frightened to disagree in case he decides to remove one of my arms in a misplaced sign of friendship.

Have you ever seen a dog sleep when they have a codependency relationship with stuffed toys? Storm has his favourite spot near the window where he spends the majority of his time. The problem is he demanded we buy him a raised bed to sleep on. I’ve got no idea why he wants this bed, he can never fit into it.  Whenever he decides to sleep every toy in the neighbourhood is invited over for a nap.

Sleeping is easier when you invite friends.

Sleeping is easier when you invite friends.

He loads his bed with so many “guests” there is hardly any space for him to lie down. He tries anyway but he looks uncomfortable as it’s obvious there is not enough room for everybody, but as he’s so invested in his brilliant idea of having a bed party any negative logistical issues are soon ignored.

It’s a weird thing to watch, he shows them so much respect but at other times of the day he has no issue ripping off their limbs or ingesting their body parts.

But I guess that’s normal behaviour for a psychopath?

In this sad tale of death and suffering there are two things I’m grateful for, he has not decided to bring his friends with him when we force him to have a bath and more importantly he doesn’t want to play the kids Playstation in the bath.

There is nothing sader than a dog with a codependency for toys who can't take then in the bath.

There is nothing sader than a dog with a codependency for toys who can’t take then in the bath.

I guess that day is coming but until that day arrives his toys can continue living in fear of their “best friend” who only wants to be loved.