Would you have our dog as your human housemate?  This is why you are wrong.

If your dog was a person would you want him as a housemate? I’ve thought about this a bit, mainly because I don’t get out much and secondly because I think our dog is a little odd. I doubt he would fit it very well as a human housemate, after you get over the nude sun-baking in the backyard and his vigorous and determined ability to clean his genitals in front of guests I just doubt he is has the ability to know what normal social interaction is.

In case Storm is reading this post i need to clarify what is considered acceptable behaviour for a dog and for a human.

The first one is quite simple, when someone knocks on the door of our house and enters its not socially acceptable to run around the person as fast as possible while barking and trying to jump up onto them. Those humans you live with have told you multiple times that your behaviour is not considered normal, and even if they didn’t the body language of the victim at the front door should be a big enough hint,

The exact same theory applies when another dog comes inside our house. Our neighbour has a wonderful Pomeranian named Lily. If Lily was a human she would be the sort of person you’d love as a housemate. She would be polite, clean up after herself, wouldn’t leave dirty dishes in the sink and wouldn’t build a meth-lab in the spare room. Whenever Lily comes over for a visit with her human, Storm turns into a crazy psychopath and is incapable of having any balanced thoughts for about fifteen minutes until he has calmed down and begins to see reason. He does clam down after a while but by this point Lily has judged him on his behaviour and has taken adequate actions to put some distance between the two.

If they were both humans sharing a house it would make an interesting sitcom.

Body language is a good indicator of whether you are sitting near a moron.

Body language is a good indicator of whether you are sitting near a moron.

Storm needs to know what the right and wrong thing is do whenever visiting the beach. I’d have though it was obvious how to behave at the beach but for some reason Storm didn’t get the message so his visits are always followed by apologies from us. I suppose eating seaweed won’t hurt him, at best you could say it’s organic and good for his coat but it’s the anger he shows whIle ripping it from the shallow water is unexplainable. What did the seaweed do to him to get such a reaction? I’ve never seen a horror movie based around seaweed attacking dogs, and even if there was Storm watches very little television so I doubt he’s seen it.

He has terrible bladder control whenever he’s at the beach. Maybe it’s the saltwater or simply the excitement of seeing so much water and friendly dogs, I don’t need to tell you the details but let’s just say in certain he has a completely different digestive system that he saves up for his beach visits.

More innocent days when Storm first went to the beach and the water was much cleaner.

More innocent days when Storm first went to the beach and the water was much cleaner.

Luckily it’s a dog beach so we don’t get any angry swimmers who find an unfortunate addition to the water when they swim past Storm, and we are even luckier we don’t have a swimming pool at home.

The biggest reason Storm would make a horrible housemate is because he doesn’t have a job so couldn’t pay the rent. Even if someone made the bizarre choice to give him a job there is absolutely no chance he’d turn up for work on a regular basis. It’s his narcolepsy that would make him fail.

If you have a dog you’d understand that dogs can go from high speed racing to deep sleep within a few seconds. Storm would fall asleep at his desk or have a quick nap while driving his bus. No matter what job he had, it wouldn’t last as he really likes sleeping. I get jealous sometime when I walk into the house after work and see him sleeping soundly in the corner.

Maybe we can swap and he can have my job? His life sounds a lot better and less complicated. I could do it, retrieving tennis balls is easy, I could sleep in every day and annoy the neighbours dog.

However I would shower, there are some things Storm does that I never would.

11 thoughts on “Would you have our dog as your human housemate?  This is why you are wrong.

  1. Choppy’s fervent desire to (a) never bathe, and (b) jump in any dirty body of water, no matter how small, would make her a horrible roommate. To say nothing of her constant humping of toys. Though I suppose as a roommate, you could just bring her out when you wanted guests to leave…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Goldens are great dogs. As written in Smithsonian July 2013, ” Golden retrievers [are] so intelligent that if they don’t want to do something, they just don’t do it,” says Wynn. My Labrador Mongo is quite a departure from our last golden retriever. Not only does Mongo not understand human behavioral concepts, he seems to have a disconnect with most dogs, except the retriever breeds. He seems to act too goofy for most dogs. He’s like the Jerry Lewis of the dog world. Dogs either love him or hate him. Contrast with our last little golden girl, everybody loved Pippin.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your choice of name for your dog was good, even prophetic. I had two goldies, so I know where you are coming from. These doggies storm through life like a hurricane on hot wheels, take over the government of the entire family, and neighbourhood, and generally are totally free from any hangups which would make them feel remotely self-conscious about their lack of social skills. I LOVE goldies. So do you, admit it.:) LOVE your blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Stormy is just being a male. All men act crazy sometimes. I have 3 dogs and a cat. That’s just part of a dogs behavior. I think dogs act more sane than people. They love unconditionally, they’re extremely loyal, and are very hardworking if you give them jobs to do. One of my dogs is a herding dog and the other two are hunting dogs. The hunting dogs are elderly so they don’t do as much but our herding dog herds everyone, guards our house, and makes sure everyone is behaving and doing what they’re supposed to do. He even tries to keep an eye on everyone including the cat to make sure we are all safe. :-). This was very funny though. It made me laugh and I haven’t laughed for a couple of days.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Storm respectfully requests that you do no give him the moniker ‘Moron’ – he is merely trying to charm the little fluffy lady, and we all know that males of any species can act rather stupidly when trying to impress the ladies… – Well, we women know anyway. It is just possible the males think they are coming across as cute – which Storm clearly does, of course!!

    Liked by 4 people

      • I like your wife already. No man should be able to understand a woman. Mystery is our strongest weapon, since in reality we are not that different… Storm clearly needs nothing more than his wonderfully whacky self to charm women AND men!

        Liked by 2 people

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