Pleased to meat you – A dog’s sad tale of what never happened.


Our dog is having a really bad weekend. He didn’t do anything wrong but he had a displeasing event last night that has left him a psychological mess. Maybe with time he can get over this event but at the moment it’s not looking good.

It started with a sheep. Not the entire sheep of course, but just the part that the butcher gave us to put on the spit.

If you ever cook meat on a split you’ll notice that after a while all the men at the party tend to move towards the spit, and just stand in silence as the hypnotic effect of rotating meat transforms their mood into reflective bliss.

If it does this for a group of adult men then just think for a moment about what that does to a Golden Retriever?

I could actually see his head slowly move around in a small circle as the meat turned on the spit. I don’t think he actually believed what he was seeing, how could such a beautiful thing actually exist in real life and not just an idea in the deepest part of a dogs fantasies?


He sat there for longer than I thought possible just looking at the meat, but you could see it in his eyes that he knew this was an experience that he could only look at and never actually taste. Then we had a moment, from across the room. He looked at me then back to the meat. I shook my head at him, I knew what he was thinking and he knew that I just refused his request.

His disappointment was real and obvious so he walked away defeated. For the rest of the evening he avoided the spit in much the same way every girl avoided me during our High School Social many years ago, but unlike me I assumed he’ll get over it.

imageLater in the evening we put some more meat on the grill and he walked over again. Just look at the photo, you can see it in his eyes that he knows it’s unattainable despite its geographic closeness and even running around the backyard like a moron didn’t help him get over the experience that he’ll never have.

He seems ok today, I tried talking to him about what happened last night but he just changes the subject and only wants to talk about simpler things such as tennis balls and fetching sticks.

I better go vegetarian for a while and see if that makes him get over his melancholy.


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