In the 1985 song You’re Only Human the great philosopher Billie Joel said you’ll learn more from you accidents than anything you could ever learn at school. Although he might be a great singer of the 1970’s and 80’s it’s obvious that he doesn’t know about cows and the “accidents” that have occurred with them.
According to the Safe Work Australia website last year eleven people in Australia were killed in workplace accidents by cows. I’ll just quote from one of the “official” stories from the website –
“The deceased was loading cattle from a yard into a cattle loading ramp. As a steer was going up the ramp it has fallen.The deceased has run forward slightly to attempt to shut the gate. Almost simultaneously the steer has hit the gate pushing it backwards into the deceased’s chest. It is believed that the steer has then jumped on the deceased as he lay prone on the ground.”
This was officially listed as a workplace accident, but we need to look into this further. A one off event when a cow killed a human could be considered an accident but having ten other “accidents” in the one year at the hands of cows starts to look very suspicious.
Before we discuss this suspicious activity just have a look at the raw numbers. There are approximately 28.5 million cows in Australia but the human population is only 23.6 million. Knowing this information I’ll ask you a simple question, is more likely that a few people had an accident and were killed by a carefree cow who was an innocent victim of circumstance or Is this an orchestrated attack by our bovine cousins?
A further question is why the media seem to be ignoring this attack on our democracy. We seem to pick pretend enemies of Australia quite often and overplay their influence for politics purposes. Most Australians are aware of the real risk of drop-bears and how few people actually die from them each year, but if you watch the more extreme media organisations you’d believe there is a real risk every time you visit any areas with trees and a comfy chair underneath. Of course this isn’t true but for some reason the media love encouraging a falsehood. Knowing this why do they ignore the upcoming human-cow war?
I don’t know why cows have started attacking, maybe they have finally discovered the abattoir is not an exciting holiday destination like we’ve led them to believe and I doubt going vegetarian this late will fool them into putting down their metaphoric weapons but I do know that I will not be frightened by their actions. I will continue my life as normal and will enjoy a steak for dinner tonight.
I just hope they are not watching.
Update : looks like the war has begun but humans are fighting back.