I have some bad news about your dog.

I’m certain I’m not the only one who wanted to win Australia’s Next Top Model, but like a lot of my other dreams I have seen disappear I can also see this one falling away. I doubt it has anything to do with the slightly inconvenient fact that I’m a 40 year old male, the judges shouldn’t worry about small details like that.

We all need to deal with disappointment in our lives I’d like to think if I finally found success, I’ve moved on from my disappointment and found peace. It involves a dog, but not any dog but the dog you see in the photograph at the top of the page.

I know a lot of people have dogs and you might think your dog extraordinary but it’s not. This is our new dog, and I know this is awkward but I need to inform you that he is now officially the most awesome dog in the world.

His name is Stormageddon, but because he is so awesome we will call him Storm.

Of course this means that your dog is not. Your dog is now stupid and a pathetic excuse for a pet. It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong, you just lost the battle to have a better dog.

We’ve only owed him for a few hours and I don’t want to put any pressure on him but I just assume once he grows up he will do something heroic like cure cancer, solve Middle East violence or successfully complete a really difficult sudoku puzzle while wearing a top hat with a cigar in his mouth.

It’s the sort of thing he’d do because he is really cool.

Sorry that your dog isn’t.

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4 thoughts on “I have some bad news about your dog.

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