I had two look two things up on Wikipedia to write this post.

Is anybody else annoyed about grass in the same way I am? Just think about what a pointless exercise in your life it is to own grass. I just spent a hour of my life maintaining this stupid green stuff that has covered half our back yard.

What’s the point? All it does is cause me heartbreak and cash. We paid for the stupid little seeds, poured thousands of litres of water onto it, spent hours weeding it, applying fertiliser plus all the other mundane tasks like reading it poetry and playing it classical music (we tried classical jazz but it didn’t like it)

I’ve yet to see a benefit from all this effort. Unlike those smug cows we cannot eat grass, it does absolutely nothing to improve my life and even the perverse satisfaction I sometimes get from amputating their heads with a lawnmower every few weeks is short lived because it always grows back like a terrifying real life Greek mythology story but without the poison breath, and reptilian traits of Hydra.

But if you don’t mow it regularly it just looks back at you as it grows taller because it knows that it just looks untidy and that you’ll return with the lawnmower. You always do, and it knows it. It knows and it just sits there waiting…….

It doesn’t know I have some Glyphosate in the garage, and I know how to use it.

Whose waiting now bitch?

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