I’m not an idiot but sometimes say idiotic things.

According to statistics 50% of the people you meet everyday are below average intelligence. This may sound harsh and judgemental but by it’s very nature the is how the law of averages works.

For a long time I assumed I was at least average or above average, it made sense to me as I finished High School, sometimes read a book that has no picture and very rarely ride on the back of shopping trollers while at the supermarket.

I need to confess sometime – I am an idiot.

This realisation crept up on my slowly as I started going out more with friends and ordering coffee. When I was younger coffee was a simple item to purchase, there were only two possible questions that the barista could ask – sugar or milk? Now it seems everybody else has done a small university course on advanced coffee ordering, and somehow I wasn’t invited. (Sounds like every single party in High School)

I walk into a coffee shop with the simple urge to buy a small cup of hot liquid filled with a legal stimulant that still allows me to operate larger machinery, but instead I walk away bewilded at the choices that I had. Why do they have to make it so confusing for people like me?

My biggest problem is I believe we have so many choices for coffee but most people never actually buy most of them. They just put these choices on the menu to make people like me feel inadequate. For example can you tell me a single time when you were sitting down with friends and Barry piped up and said “gee, my life would be much better if I went to Starbucks and purchased a Espresso Con Panna with soy milk, brown sugar and a touch of elephant urine”?

It’s never happened, we all know it.

A possible solution would be to stop seeing Barry as he often says strange things while we are out but wouldn’t it be easier just to make ordering coffee easier?

I lay in bed some nights and worry about things. Maybe this coffee issue is just the beginning and society is just advancing quicker than I can cope with.

That could be true but I’d prefer to think that it’s everybody else that is wrong.


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